Monday, March 16, 2020

Children's decisions does not always equal bad parenting

 Children's decisions does not always equate bad parenting

       All of children's decisions are not based on bad parenting.  While we like to say the phrase, " that child is bad he/she must not have any home training."  Sometimes that statement is farthest from the truth, especially during today's times.  Over the course of many years of living I have observed a lot of things, heard a lot of things, researched a lot of things, and life's experiences have allowed me to do a few things (that I shouldn't have).  With all of that being said, children who make bad decisions can come from the best of parenting homes and the worst of parenting home.

      When this thought came to mind yesterday, I wasn't thinking along the lines of parenting.  I was thinking along the lines of self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, peer pressure, and the presence of social media.  All of these are either associated with limiting beliefs or irrational thoughts, to some degree.  With children, their self-esteem is crucial in their development and decision making.  One of the questions on the crisis assessment: Do you have positive self-esteem?  Low self-esteem? or does it depend on the situation?

     Self-esteem is important in how a child feels about themselves and how they respond in the world and to peer pressure.  If an individual feels the most beautiful, the fastest, the strongest, the smartest, etc... there's nothing that anyone can say to them that would persuade them to do something they know without a shadow of a doubt is wrong.  An individual with low self-esteem will question everything about themselves and their existence.  They feel unloved and unworthy so it will only take that one someone (good or bad) to show some interest and attention then they're able to lead that individual into doing anything they suggest.  The "leader" can lead that individual in any direction and typically down any road because they want to continue to be liked by that person; they don't want to disappoint them.

      You have individuals with positive self-esteem and depending on the situation and circumstances.  These individuals know right from wrong, make good decisions most of the time BUT they can have a friend, situation or an opportunity which can cause them to make that one bad decision that they aren't able to recover from. It can feel like a continuous downward spiral especially if they're ashamed to ask for help. 

      Children who have self-confidence are more apt to avoid self-harming and self-destructive decision-making because they know who they are and whose they are and doesn't need convincing of who they are by someone else.   Also, if they know their self-worth, they are less likely to make negative decisions that can significantly impact their future.  As parents, it is our job to build up our children by instilling in them positive self-traits, self-confidence, and self-worth even though it is ultimately an inside job of the individual.  It's our job as parents to nurture them through their good decision-making and their unfavorable decision making. 

     Things are much different than when we were growing up.  Then, the worst drug you could get in trouble with was marijuana.  Now, these new age drugs have these children doing things that they don't even remember doing.  Music, television, and YouTube, Tik Tok, and other social media plays a huge part of influence within decision-making among our youth.  Children's minds have told them that what they see through these outlets are real so they strive to have these lifestyles (by any means necessary).  The money, the cars, the drugs, the fame, etc...  Children play video games robbing and stealing and getting away with it but only in the game can you get away with it.  I could go on and on but I think you get the initial point- children's decisions are not always related to bad parenting. 
                                                                                                                                                "Doc Dee"

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