Are your thoughts judgmental even though your actions may not be? As I wrote this question I reflected on a conversation that I was having the previous day. Sometimes we are judgmental even when we think we aren’t. Judgmental is defined as having or displaying an excessively critical point of view; to judge harshly. I reflected on my thoughts, actions, and responses about several things over the past few months and determined I, myself, was being judgmental. I was unconsciously judgmental about several things that I thought that I was being open-minded about. Unconsciously, I was asking- How? Why? When? What? When in fact the How, Why? When? What? Was none of my business. What really was my business was how I handled my thoughts, actions, and responses to what was being presented to me from others, scarred and unscarred; therapeutically and personal…..
I think that when we work in the “helping field, we’re judgmental even when we think that we’re not. We want people to think, act, and respond the way that we think they should and/or based upon the treatment regimen which we design for them. And when they don’t we begin to question, Why? If it is only for a brief moment when we question, Why, we were still judgmental in that second.
I have always been analytical and question things that I probably shouldn’t have BUT I think that is part of what makes ME who I am. I analyze and ask questions to get an understanding so that I won’t present a judgmental. In our minds, we ask:
ü Why is she/he wearing that?
ü Why is she/he looking like that?
ü How can she/he stay in that relationship and he beating her/him?
ü How can she/he stay in that “bad marriage?”
ü Why not leave?
ü How can she choose a man over her children?
ü How can he take care of someone else’s children when he’s not taking care of his own?
ü Why he won’t pay his child support?
ü Why she sells her food stamps?
ü Why she sells her body?
ü How can he/she cheat on his wife/husband?
ü How she/he sleeps with women/men?
ü Why won’t they communicate with each other?
ü Why, why, why?
ü How, how, how?
I think that we ask these questions because that is the human side of us. The professional side of us seeks a solution or passes judgment (even when we attempt not to). The spiritual side of us asks us not to pass judgment, “Judge not, that you not be judged….” (Matthew 7:1-5). Take time for self-examination regarding whether you’re judgmental or not in thoughts and/or in deeds. Do you not help others because you’ve deemed them to be doing well and trying to use you? Or do you help others and not question why they need the help? Take time to answer these questions and work on self while working on others. I AM! Doc