Monday, October 16, 2017

Self-Care, Self-love, and Self-Evaluation



Self-Care is one of the most important things a person can do for themselves.  It is difficult to pour from an empty cup.  While one may appear to have it all together and on point with their day to day existence, lack of self- care will expose your truth eventually.  While self-care consists of small gestures to care for oneself, these gestures are very important.  Lack of self-care can chip away at the authentic person you are or the masked person you pretend to be.  However, I must flip the coin because if you don’t possess self-care then you do not know how to care for yourself.  When you don’t have self-love you allow people, including you, to misuse you and/or abuse you.  You become a doormat, a revolving door for others, and/or will lash out at the wrong people.

As I began to write this and put it into words, I reflected on many individuals whom I meet that do not have self-love.  How do you teach someone to develop self-love?  How do you teach someone self-worth?  How did they come to not know how valuable their own happiness and existence is?  There are so many “How’s” to question.  While venting to my own therapist, I was reminded that all our “roots” stem from childhood.  That which we experience in childhood good and bad will guide us into our adulthood.  Childhood experiences can and most often will determine our present and future. 

While some of us may have experienced questionable childhoods, it is still up to us to design “our” blueprint for our lives.  I have always had self-love even when I weighed less than 110 pounds as an adult for numerous years.  I always knew that I was beautiful, no one had to tell me this.  Maybe a little thin but I was beautiful; my response would always be when you become fat with age, I will become fine.  When people told me that I was unable to achieve because of, I achieved it despite what I was told.  I also had to realize that everyone was not built like me, everyone was not resilient like me, everyone wasn’t determined like me, and some settled for whatever unlike me.  I must remember that most people will not do a self-evaluation, and do not know how to do a self-evaluation because of the fa├žade they have displaced for so long.

Self-evaluation requires you to peel back the layers of hurt, pain, disappointments, victories, near victories, and the hits and misses.  Self-evaluation requires you to accept responsibility for yourself.  Self-evaluation required you to examine your love for yourself.  It requires you to see what’s missing and why you allow yourself to be treated a certain way.  Everything we do begins with self.  While we can examine others and their faults and flaws, it ultimately comes back to examining self, especially if you’re in a relationship with someone who treats you less than.  Knowing your worth is important; knowing yourself is important.  While I love my parents, spouse, children, and friends, I love myself more.  I love myself enough to know I must effectively take care of me in order to take care of them.  Do a self-examination to see the quality of your self-care and self-love.  #DocDee