Monday, March 16, 2020

Children's decisions does not always equal bad parenting

 Children's decisions does not always equate bad parenting

       All of children's decisions are not based on bad parenting.  While we like to say the phrase, " that child is bad he/she must not have any home training."  Sometimes that statement is farthest from the truth, especially during today's times.  Over the course of many years of living I have observed a lot of things, heard a lot of things, researched a lot of things, and life's experiences have allowed me to do a few things (that I shouldn't have).  With all of that being said, children who make bad decisions can come from the best of parenting homes and the worst of parenting home.

      When this thought came to mind yesterday, I wasn't thinking along the lines of parenting.  I was thinking along the lines of self-esteem, self-confidence, self-worth, peer pressure, and the presence of social media.  All of these are either associated with limiting beliefs or irrational thoughts, to some degree.  With children, their self-esteem is crucial in their development and decision making.  One of the questions on the crisis assessment: Do you have positive self-esteem?  Low self-esteem? or does it depend on the situation?

     Self-esteem is important in how a child feels about themselves and how they respond in the world and to peer pressure.  If an individual feels the most beautiful, the fastest, the strongest, the smartest, etc... there's nothing that anyone can say to them that would persuade them to do something they know without a shadow of a doubt is wrong.  An individual with low self-esteem will question everything about themselves and their existence.  They feel unloved and unworthy so it will only take that one someone (good or bad) to show some interest and attention then they're able to lead that individual into doing anything they suggest.  The "leader" can lead that individual in any direction and typically down any road because they want to continue to be liked by that person; they don't want to disappoint them.

      You have individuals with positive self-esteem and depending on the situation and circumstances.  These individuals know right from wrong, make good decisions most of the time BUT they can have a friend, situation or an opportunity which can cause them to make that one bad decision that they aren't able to recover from. It can feel like a continuous downward spiral especially if they're ashamed to ask for help. 

      Children who have self-confidence are more apt to avoid self-harming and self-destructive decision-making because they know who they are and whose they are and doesn't need convincing of who they are by someone else.   Also, if they know their self-worth, they are less likely to make negative decisions that can significantly impact their future.  As parents, it is our job to build up our children by instilling in them positive self-traits, self-confidence, and self-worth even though it is ultimately an inside job of the individual.  It's our job as parents to nurture them through their good decision-making and their unfavorable decision making. 

     Things are much different than when we were growing up.  Then, the worst drug you could get in trouble with was marijuana.  Now, these new age drugs have these children doing things that they don't even remember doing.  Music, television, and YouTube, Tik Tok, and other social media plays a huge part of influence within decision-making among our youth.  Children's minds have told them that what they see through these outlets are real so they strive to have these lifestyles (by any means necessary).  The money, the cars, the drugs, the fame, etc...  Children play video games robbing and stealing and getting away with it but only in the game can you get away with it.  I could go on and on but I think you get the initial point- children's decisions are not always related to bad parenting. 
                                                                                                                                                "Doc Dee"

Monday, March 2, 2020



Transformation can be a scary thing especially when the change is unexpected.  One thing that I have come to find out is that transformation is uncomfortable.  When you ask for change you need to prepare yourself to be completely out of your element, especially if you are asking God to align you with your purpose.  I remember a time when I wanted to do counseling with children because "they said" that's where the money is.... and it is because someone is always recommending or bringing their children to counseling.  Truth is, we can work with the children until we are blue in the face but we are sending them back to the same environment that most often is the reason they are coming in for counseling in the first place.  By the end of 2017, I decided that I didn't want to work directly with the children any more even though I was making decent money I didn't feel as though I was fulfilling my purpose.  Even with my purpose still evolving I knew that I was helpful with the children but that wasn't where my impact was need.  I wanted to work with the mothers of these children, especially the broken mothers.

I never would have thought that my niche would be African American teenagers and women, yet here I sit focused on helping my sisters to heal from years of pain and trauma within this brutal world we live in.  Another niche I have picked up along the way is spirituality.  I definitely did not see myself blending mental health and spirituality together.  I recall in my social work classes we were told to never discuss religion and politics and I stood by that for a lot of years. Now, I try to figure out what exactly was I saying before adding faith, favor, prayer, and spirituality in the dialogue.  However, when God gives you directions to do something, you just do it, even if afraid.  When you ask God to expand your territory and reach, know what you are asking for because it is some very uncomfortable work.  I had no idea what I asked for when making this request.  I knew that it would be a little uncomfortable because I would be doing something new and out of my element but when you move from writing books about a topic to doing presentations, workshops, and conferences on a topic- that is another whole realm of expanding your reach.  I was used to doing the background work and hiding behind my writings but when he put me before crowds, I knew this was nothing but God.  HE provided the words to be able to flow from my mouth to educate HIS people, and for that reason alone I am honored.

I am ready for the challenges that God presents to me because I have been sitting in my comfort zone long enough. 2020 began with challenges, healthy challenges, uncomfortable challenges; some that made me redesign my goals for the year.  All my goals this year is and will be purpose-filled, if there is no purpose there will be no focus.  I'm doing "OK" thus far with meeting the challenges presented to me this year and I look forward to those which are still due to come.  In my opinion, as long as I am presented with challenges, I am experiencing growth and as long as I continue to grow, that means I am still yet alive.  
                                                                                                                                                   Doc Dee