Sunday, August 2, 2015

Blended Families

A Blended Family is a marriage in which one or both spouses become a stepparent (new parent), regardless of the age of the children (  My husband and myself became a blended family 13-14 years ago.  He became a stepfather to one and I became a stepmother to two.  Our road has not been easy but we have traveled this road together.  We gave a vow to God to love each other for better or worse, richer or poorer, in sickness and in health.  Sometimes other people can bring situations to your marriage through your children/ their children.  In situations such as this, don't let it break you, simply communicate.  Talk it out, debate it out (agree to disagree but talk it out), and then love it out.  Love through the storm.

 Statistics on blended families:

About 75% of those who divorce will remarry, most within two years.  Psychologists say it takes four to eight years for a remarried family to “gel” and feel like a family.  The divorce rate for remarriages with children is almost 65%, with most divorces occurring within the first four years—before the family has had time to blend.  Over 50% of most Christian church congregations are in, or are related to, a blended family (i.e. couples, children, youth, grandparents, extended family, etc.) (

Common blending issues

The parent and stepparent typically do not treat children in the blended family equally.  Many stepparents find it difficult to love their stepchildren.  Remarried spouses often make their biological children a greater priority than their new spouse, which strains the new marriage relationship.
Children of divorce often resist connecting to the new family.  Discipline from a stepparent often results in opposition, frustration, and disrespect.  Children of divorce usually have two homes, with different rules and methods of discipline.  Extended families do not always accept the new spouse or the stepchildren, causing added hurt.  Remarried spouses often have difficulty working with the other biological parent.  Remarried spouses often find it difficult understanding or adapting to the new role as a stepparent (  The website spoke of remarried spouses but the same issues arise with individuals who have nor been married.  Sometimes it is even harder when this is your first marriage and you're blending your families with absent and/or resistant baby mommas/ baby daddies.  Very few are fortunate to have a cordial relationship (initially or ever) with their children's absent parent.  Also, the absent parent may cause problems for your marriage so be aware that this may happen- pray against it but be prepared. 

My advice through personal experience is communication, communication, communication!!  Communication with your kids, communication with his kids, and most importantly communication with your spouse.  If your spouse and your children are having a rift, you have to back away and allow them to work through the problems.  If you continue to save your child or your spouse when they have problems (unless they are young children), then you're showing your child/ your spouse is who is more important (even though you're just trying to keep the peace).  As parents, we want to protect everyone that is around us but we can't handle everything.  Sometimes you have to pray about it and give it to God.  In addition, in my next blog I will offer some coping skills to help you weather the storm and assist you in working on and keeping your marriage together!!
                                                                                                                         Love Doc