We are born into families and we have control over
that. We sometimes have no control over
the family unit which we grew up in.
Whatever the case, when we learn better.
There is a difference between functional family units, family units with
problems, and dysfunctional family units.
A functional family will encourage and respect each other and they are
considerate of one another even when they are angry with one another. Functional families build one another up and
not tear each other down. They
communicate with each other so if there’s a problem they talk about it and “hash
it out.” They apologize when wrong and
they forgive. They don’t hold
grudges. These families feel safe
(emotionally and physically) with one another.
Dysfunctional families do not encourage and respect each
other, they are not considerate of each other, and they may stay angry with
each other for decades. Dysfunctional
families name call and tear each other down.
They rarely communicate with one another and when they do, they are
yelling and cursing one another. Dysfunctional
families do not feel and are not normally emotionally or physically safe,
long-term.
Functional families are resilient, respect one another
privacy, and hold each other accountable.
They apologize when wrong and sometimes when they’re not wrong for the
sake of keeping the peace. Functional
families create and maintain boundaries with themselves and each other. They praise their children and each other for
a job well done. Functional families
spend quality time together, including meal time. They have fun together while enjoying each
other’s company.
Dysfunctional families are not resilient even though to the
public eye they appear to have it all together.
They do not respect each other’s privacy; they tell all their business
and yours too (while mostly providing inaccurate information). Dysfunctional families do not hold each other
accountable, they look for a scapegoat and blame one another. They uphold misbehavior and devious behavior
(molestation, incest, rape, etc.), or refuse to discuss it; act like it never
happened. They rarely apologize when
they have wronged another and oftentimes will not accept responsibility for
their actions. Dysfunctional families do
not have boundaries. They may/may not
praise each other and/or their children and will uphold one another in their
wrong doing (school and community).
Dysfunctional families spend time together but most are uncomfortable or
unhappy about spending time together. When
together they may be angry from something that has happened in past years or
they may not have the communication skills to make spending time together a
happy and healthy situation. They do not
enjoy each other’s company, nor do they enjoy being in the same space, and may
ultimately result in a verbal or physical altercation.
Functional families do not show favoritism among their
children; all children have equality.
Even when co-parenting, both parents are on the same accord (happiness
for their children), and create a “normal” functional household in both
houses. Most importantly, a functional
household has a spiritual background/presence and is governed accordingly,
acknowledging their higher power. The
Ten Commandments keeps order and keeps it simple.
Dysfunctional families have a favorite child and all the
other children know the “favorite” child.
These families may tell their children that they hate them, hate that
they were born, and their lives would be better without them. When co-parenting, one parent talks about and
belittles the other parent. They may
sabotage the other parent, their household, and their rules. Lastly, these households may/may not have a
spiritual background/presence. They say
they have a higher power but their actions say otherwise. They think the Ten Commandments are outdated
and they “play church.” Just my research and thoughts!
