Saturday, January 7, 2017

Functional Families (with problems) vs. Dysfunctional Families

We are born into families and we have control over that.  We sometimes have no control over the family unit which we grew up in.  Whatever the case, when we learn better.  There is a difference between functional family units, family units with problems, and dysfunctional family units.  A functional family will encourage and respect each other and they are considerate of one another even when they are angry with one another.  Functional families build one another up and not tear each other down.  They communicate with each other so if there’s a problem they talk about it and “hash it out.”  They apologize when wrong and they forgive.  They don’t hold grudges.  These families feel safe (emotionally and physically) with one another.

Dysfunctional families do not encourage and respect each other, they are not considerate of each other, and they may stay angry with each other for decades.  Dysfunctional families name call and tear each other down.  They rarely communicate with one another and when they do, they are yelling and cursing one another.  Dysfunctional families do not feel and are not normally emotionally or physically safe, long-term.

Functional families are resilient, respect one another privacy, and hold each other accountable.  They apologize when wrong and sometimes when they’re not wrong for the sake of keeping the peace.  Functional families create and maintain boundaries with themselves and each other.  They praise their children and each other for a job well done.  Functional families spend quality time together, including meal time.  They have fun together while enjoying each other’s company.

Dysfunctional families are not resilient even though to the public eye they appear to have it all together.  They do not respect each other’s privacy; they tell all their business and yours too (while mostly providing inaccurate information).  Dysfunctional families do not hold each other accountable, they look for a scapegoat and blame one another.  They uphold misbehavior and devious behavior (molestation, incest, rape, etc.), or refuse to discuss it; act like it never happened.  They rarely apologize when they have wronged another and oftentimes will not accept responsibility for their actions.  Dysfunctional families do not have boundaries.  They may/may not praise each other and/or their children and will uphold one another in their wrong doing (school and community).  Dysfunctional families spend time together but most are uncomfortable or unhappy about spending time together.  When together they may be angry from something that has happened in past years or they may not have the communication skills to make spending time together a happy and healthy situation.  They do not enjoy each other’s company, nor do they enjoy being in the same space, and may ultimately result in a verbal or physical altercation.

Functional families do not show favoritism among their children; all children have equality.  Even when co-parenting, both parents are on the same accord (happiness for their children), and create a “normal” functional household in both houses.  Most importantly, a functional household has a spiritual background/presence and is governed accordingly, acknowledging their higher power.  The Ten Commandments keeps order and keeps it simple.

Dysfunctional families have a favorite child and all the other children know the “favorite” child.  These families may tell their children that they hate them, hate that they were born, and their lives would be better without them.  When co-parenting, one parent talks about and belittles the other parent.  They may sabotage the other parent, their household, and their rules.  Lastly, these households may/may not have a spiritual background/presence.  They say they have a higher power but their actions say otherwise.  They think the Ten Commandments are outdated and they “play church.”     Just my research and thoughts!