Thursday, August 17, 2017

The Little Things

Sometimes we take life for granted and fail to take notice of the “little” things which should be celebrated.  When we sit still and listen to the silence is when we can appreciate the “little” things.  With there being so many absent fathers, broken homes and marriages, I have learned to appreciate the “little” things.  I find appreciation such as my sons coming in the room or house asking, “Where’s dad?”  I appreciate this because my dad wasn’t there so I appreciate that my children have an active father in their lives.  I attempted this task with my first child’s father but I knew that I wasn’t meant to be with him.  I was about to sacrifice my happiness for her to have a two-parent home.  I woke up one day and I’m appreciative that I did.  My husband has been in my daughter’s life since she was three and he loves her unconditionally as though he is her biological father.  Appreciative because I had a stepfather that was jealous of my biological dad and the few times that he came around would result in an argument between him and my mother.  My current stepfather has been good to me.  However, by the time he came around I was finishing high school and headed to college. 

I love watching my husband interact with his children, daughters and sons, but especially my sons.  I love that he teaches them that their shirts should be tucked in their pants (not sagging) and they must wear a belt.  Haircuts, appearance, and speech, and respect (yes sir/ yes ma’am) are important.  I love watching him be a great father of what a man looks like: chores, yard work, repairing vehicles and heavy equipment, and opening the car door for me.  He’s a splendid example of what our daughters should look for in a mate/husband; hardworking, a provider, and God-fearing man.  He allows them to see that he has flaws and some weaknesses which shows his human side, therefore, they know that no man/woman is perfect.  The other night I confessed that I was happy but a tad bit jealous because my children have something that I always longed for when I was growing up (a present dad and a great relationship with him) which is a great relationship with their present and accounted for dad.  

I didn’t know what a healthy biological father relationship resembled but he has taught me.  In addition to, I was able to witness the relationship he had with his father before he passed years ago.  Watching him makes me wonder what my relationship with my biological dad would have looked like at their age.  Would I have been emotionally healthy vs. feeling like I had a void?  Would I have been physically safe and nurtured by a healthy male presence in the home?  All the What ifs….  My dad wasn’t available for me as he and my mom were divorced when I was young and then he began wrestling with his personal demons (unaddressed PTSD and addiction) and he may have done more harm than good because he would not have been able to be emotionally available.  He can’t make up for lost time but he is a great grandfather to my children and for that I am appreciative!  No need to hold grudges, be resentful or bitter but appreciate the “little” things.  Doc Dee

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