A Mental Health Conversation

I started a discussion post on yesterday regarding mental health and mental illness.  I just wanted to share that everyday “common” folk can have some form of mental health/ mental illness at any given time.  Some forms of mental illness are: Anger/ Aggression, Anxiety Disorders (to include fears of...), Mood Disorders (depression, bipolar disorder, cyclothymic), Psychotic Disorders (schizophrenia), Eating Disorders (excessive weight gain, anorexia, bulimia, and binge eating), Impulse Control (pyromania (setting fires), kleptomania (stealing), gambling, alcohol consumption, drug consumption),  Addiction Disorders (gambling, alcohol consumption, drug consumption), Personality Disorders (antisocial, obsessive-compulsive, and paranoid), Obsessive-Compulsive Disorders (ritualistic behavior; fear of germs), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorders (traumatic events-sexual, physical, unexpected death of a loved one, or natural disaster (fires), Stress Response Syndromes (Adjustment Disorders) (caused by stressful events), Dissociative Disorders (split personalities), Factitious Disorders (intentional lies about physical or emotional symptoms so they can appear to need help), Sexual and Gender Disorders (sexual dysfunction, gender identity disorder, and paraphillias), Somatic Symptom Disorders (feels pain even though doctor can't find a reason), and Tic Disorders (involuntary/uncontrollable sounds or body movements).

In light of there being so many events of racism, stereotypes, and death (unexpected).  I felt the need to address and identify and discuss topics regarding mental health.  Regardless of how perfect we may think we are or our life is.  We have all experienced at least one day of depression, feeling anxious, and/ or wishing/ hoping for a better life or better life’s circumstances.  With that being said, we all have mental health issues.  Most choose not to let the negative mental health issues consume us and shoot for positive life experiences on a daily basis.  However, there are others who may not be as fortunate.  We can’t ostracize these individuals because they may not have the courage or strength to push past their irrational thoughts which leads to true mental illness.  There are some individuals who have superb support systems which ensure that their loved ones and friends are not allowed to wallow in their “funk.”  Then there are others who no one really cares about.   

As a society, we have become cruel and callous, not caring about the next man (until it benefits us).  Part of my purpose and God-given assignment is to remind people that they are valuable and that they have worth.  I am not too good to meet people where they are.  I have sat in the best of homes and I have sat in the worst of homes and at neither time did I make anyone appear uncomfortable or that I was being judgmental to their situation.  I have always ensured that I offer solutions to make the situation better if they presented their issue as a problem.  You never know when the shoe will be on the other foot.  Always treat people with kindness and the way that you desire to be treated!  My prayer is that we be able to have discussions within our communities regarding mental health/ mental illness while finding solutions and supporting those (with resources) that are less fortunate than we are.  Doc

Branding Myself

I have been asking myself a question....  How am I supposed to brand myself when I don't know who I am and what I want???  I am re-learning who I am outside working on a dissertation, my children, and my husband.  Who is Demetria???   What does Demetria want???  Who does Demetria desire to help??  Who does Demetria desire to empower????  Does Demetria want to be rich???  Or does Demetria want to be well-off successful, healthy, and have peace of mind??  All these are questions which I have and/or have been presented with over the past few weeks since learning that I have to narrow my specialty.   I have learned that I enjoy helping people through supporting and empowering them.  I have learned that I enjoy helping people who want to help themselves.  I have learned that everybody that says they want better doesn't always mean it.  I have learned that I am successful with those whom I help who actually had a goal.  I have learned that it is not always about money but making a difference.

In learning to narrow down my specialty or my "niche,"  I do know that I enjoy coaching and I enjoy working with teenage girls, women, and couples.  I have narrowed my niche to these few so know I must learn how to be most valuable with these populations.  In order to do this my mind must be clear.  Ha Ha!!  My mind is never clear so this is a task within itself.  I am putting myself on a time schedule to have this goal completed by:  November 15th.  My target market will be identified and I will be able to spot my potential "tribe."  Looking for successful, motivated, self-starting women who have gotten lost in the rat race just like me.  It's always easier for me to get someone to the next level but have difficulty following my own advice.  Oh well, work to do- on myself!!!!

Relationships

There are a variety of relationships which exist; intimate, spiritual, friendship, work-related, associates, and partnerships.  Relationships consist of individuals who are connected; individuals who have a bond or an alliance; individuals who are associated with one another; the state of being connected.   Relationships work when you are honest with the people whom with your relationship(s) exist.  If you are honest, it allows the recipient to process the information which has been given to them, positive or negative.   Sometimes within the relationships when people are not honest, it allows for ill feelings and produces negative results.  There are always people who are willing to help and support “your” cause if they have a relationship with you.  However, you cannot allow jealousy, envy, strife, and lies to enter the relationship.  You are supposed to be happy for people who have positive outcomes.  What God has for you is for you and what God has for them is for them.  Even though your paths may intersect, you are not always intended to travel down the same road to reach the same destination.  In traveling your path/journey, ensure that you do not burn bridges.  Once bridges are burnt oftentimes they can’t be repaired even if the person/ people forgive you.  All relationships have a season.  Try not to hang on to a relationship which you have outgrown or that has outgrown you.  Everyone has a spot in your life whether it is for a minute or an eternity.  Always remember the lessons (good and bad) that you have been taught by the people you came into contact with.  Cherish the good memories and try not to “hang-on” to the bad memories.  Although you may never forget them, don’t allow them to stunt your growth.  Prioritize your relationships so that you know your role in all the relationships which you exist and/or co-exist.  Prioritize the importance of each relationship to your well-being and health.  If it’s not a good relationship, let it go.  If you have difficulty letting go, pray and ask God to give you the strength to move on.  Make room for happy and healthier relationships.  Life is too short to be unhappy.  Live, Laugh, and Love!!!

Transformation

Transformation has been my way of life and my term for 2014.  This year began with thoughts, plans, and goals in mind- all of which would be achieved before the year's end.  We are in the last quarter of 2014-some goals were achieved and some are yet to be fulfilled.  I have learned a multitude of how transformation can be defined. By dictionary it is defined as a marked change in form, nature, or appearance; a process by which one figure, expression, or function is converted into another one of similar value.  Webster's dictionary defines transformation as an act, process, or instance of change in structure appearance or character; a conversion, revolution, makeover, alternation, or renovation.

With all the definitions associated with transformation, I can raise my hand when asked:  Have you been transformed?  My answer is yes and I am still undergoing my transformation.  There are personal, emotional, spiritual, and career transformations which an individual can undergo.  I reflected on my growth in the past five years and most recently over the past five or six months.  I have always been very independent not asking or relying on anyone for help or assistance.  I had the "I can do everything myself" attitude.  I have always prided myself on being able to be independent and do all things myself (or so I thought).

At the beginning of 2014 I started a counseling agency (A Work In Progress, LLC) and made the decision to take a quicker route by subcontracting with an individual/agency who was already a Medicaid provider instead of working my way through the process.  I thought I'd asked all the "right" questions when we met prior to beginning to provide services.  We began providing services in February 2014 doing individual counseling, group counseling, CSI services, parenting for fathers, and an anger management group for children.  We consistently provided services only to find out in June that the provider we were subcontracting with did not have her credentials in order and all billing was rejected.  I was hurt, angered, shocked, broke, broken, confused, and broke!!!

I had just started back regularly attending church in May 2014 so I was not in tune with my spiritual self.  My fleshly self was telling me all kind of evil things I need to do- I had an office to pay for, household bills to pay, children to take care of, and more importantly employees to pay for services rendered.  YES I WAS IN PANIC MODE!!!!!!  My sister/friend had been telling me for years that I needed to talk to God, pray (daily), and find me a good church home.  I heard her but didn't hear her.  Well I started to going to several churches and found a church (Church of Perfecting Saints) that I really enjoyed attending and was learning.  I have made this my church home (not officially).  Well, I had just started attending church regularly so I was trying to get "right" but this experience was wanting me to do and handle things opposite of what I was learning.  I began praying frequently throughout the day and daily asking God for strength, patience, and knowledge on what to do to help me with what I was feeling and what I was going through, the whirlwind (downward spiral) occurring around me and involving me).  All I can say is that the statement is true-"Prayer Changes Things And People!!!!"

I am still A Work In Progress but I have been transformed and continue to be transformed daily.  I realize that I am not in control of anything, God is!!  Everything happens in God's timing.  I realize that I was broken down to be rebuilt with God's design and his plan in mind for my life and those who I come in contact with.  I realize that I don't have to do everything alone; I have a spouse, family and friends who are willing to listen and help.  I realize that life is a series of processes and we must be able to "deal with" life as it happens.  I realize that karma is real and I am grateful that I recognize karma.  Therefore, I treat people the way I want to be treated and/ or if I don't deal with them, I speak and keep it moving.  Speaking doesn't cost me anything.  I was initially angry and resentful about the events which took place and how they took place but it became an eye opening and humbling experience.  My transformation has been one of my greatest joys over the past few months.  My transformation has caused a positive transformation within my immediate family; better communication, a peace, a calm, and growth as a family.  I am truly learning who I am, learning how to ask for help, learning how to sit still and learning how to listen for God's guidance and wisdom in all decisions that I make.  This is a good space to be in and look forward to each day and the opportunities the days present.  Are you being conformed or transformed???

In a good space

Well it has been over a month since I last posted/ blogged or whatever.  I have been dealing with myself (productively).  I was recently laid off (again) due to there not being any money in the budget to pay me.  I panicked privately while trying to figure out which move to make next.  Well I decided to sit still and wait for some direction.  I feel that everything that I go through is a test.  I don't know if I am passing but I do know that slow n steady wins the race.  I feel that everything happens a reason so I don't question why it happen.  I just ask and pray for strength to make it through the ordeal.  I am still unemployed but I am optimistic that something will come along soon. 

My children did well in school, Cameron got promoted to the first grade and Yasmine got promoted to the ninth.  CJ will be entering Pre-K in August so the upcoming school year should be interesting.  My husband is back working so his stress load has decreased and blood pressure has as well.  I am working on Chapter 1 of my dissertation- revising again but my motto is "Slow N Steady" wins the race.  I am definitely in a good space.  I haven't been exercising as I should but I am still in a good space.

When It Rains

Well each day brings a new adventure, some pleasant some not so pleasant.  I see that it has been a few weeks since I wrote a blog.  It hasn't been because everything has been good or bad.  It has just been.....  I took a part-time gig writing articles for an online newspaper thinking that I was making at least a dollar an article.  Only to find out that I am actually making a half a cent each time someone views the articles.  I may have cleared a dollar over the past month.  I don't know if I am disappointed or not.  I was just pleased to find out that people were actually reading my articles.  I haven't been writing the four articles a week over the past two weeks but I have been writing at least two each week just for the sake of writing.

Being a parent of a teenager is difficult.  Sad part my daughter is just entering her teeenage years.  Will we get through these years without killing each other?  I think so but it is going to be a difficult journey because she is actually younger than everyone in her grade which makes her a little less mature in some areas that they deal with on a regular basis.  She has book sense and is lacking a little in the common/ street sense area.  We recently found out that she had a boyfriend.  Yes, we were shocked.  Shocked because all of her friends (with the exception of 1) had dated this little boy.  My daughter has seen him kissing all over girls, he is a juvenile delinquent, no stable parents, etc.....  All of the wrong choices for boyfriend material.  I guess you like who you like......

Well my husband is still laid off, no success in finding a job (thus far).  We are barely skating by.  Bills get paid but that's it.  There is no extra.  Found out today that I may no longer have a job because we have lost a few clients and he can't afford to pay me.  I understand but what are we going to do financially.  God always makes a way!!!!

I did find out that I can take the course I need to take in order to get my CAC and the HOPE grant will cover the expenses.  I just have to get the application filled out, HOPE application completed, transcripts and immunization records sent to the college by May 1st.  I am procrastinating but I intend to get it completed by the time line.

My mentor finally sent back my worksheet and I may be able to begin writing my chapters.  Well we will see what happens next.  Take each day as it comes.  In the words of Jesse Jackson, Keep hope alive!!!!!!!

Good Feelings

I can honestly say for the past 3-4 days I have been feelings pretty good, physically and mentally.  I have taken myself off my pity pot and is actually being productive.  I have not worked on my dissertation but I have been writing (which is a start).  I have not drank an energy shot since Wed. or Thurs. and this is a daily thing for me so this is definitely progress.  I missed exercising Fri and Sat. but I worked out for 45 mins. this AM.  I have taken an online writing job as a relationship expert (lol) and it pays pennies but it allows me to write, do research, and feel productive outside of my home and work environments.

I had a conversation with my mother on Fri. in reference to writing and writing online.  I told her that I had a blog that I had not told anyone about because I basically use it to vent about things that bother me.  She asked for the URL and I reluctantly gave it to her.  I wasn't sure if I'd wrote some things on there that she would feel offended by.  Well, when I talk to her Sat. morning, she said, "I read your blog.  My daughter is in pain and I don't know what I can do to help.  It was interesting because I didn't know that you felt this way about certain things."  I wanted to ask if I had offended her but I didn't.  She didn't say anything so neither did I.  I was happy that she recognized my pain even though I always wear my tough or angry exterior. 

Well I doing ok today, no complaints just filled with some joy.  I plan for it to continue.  I plan to keep doing things which make me feel optimistic and productive even if it requires getting up a little earlier or going where I really didn't want to go.  I must also work on saying what is on my mind (tactfully of course).  I miss the old me (outspoken go-getter) but I plan to re-invent myself and make me better.