I can honestly say for the past 3-4 days I have been feelings pretty good, physically and mentally. I have taken myself off my pity pot and is actually being productive. I have not worked on my dissertation but I have been writing (which is a start). I have not drank an energy shot since Wed. or Thurs. and this is a daily thing for me so this is definitely progress. I missed exercising Fri and Sat. but I worked out for 45 mins. this AM. I have taken an online writing job as a relationship expert (lol) and it pays pennies but it allows me to write, do research, and feel productive outside of my home and work environments.
I had a conversation with my mother on Fri. in reference to writing and writing online. I told her that I had a blog that I had not told anyone about because I basically use it to vent about things that bother me. She asked for the URL and I reluctantly gave it to her. I wasn't sure if I'd wrote some things on there that she would feel offended by. Well, when I talk to her Sat. morning, she said, "I read your blog. My daughter is in pain and I don't know what I can do to help. It was interesting because I didn't know that you felt this way about certain things." I wanted to ask if I had offended her but I didn't. She didn't say anything so neither did I. I was happy that she recognized my pain even though I always wear my tough or angry exterior.
Well I doing ok today, no complaints just filled with some joy. I plan for it to continue. I plan to keep doing things which make me feel optimistic and productive even if it requires getting up a little earlier or going where I really didn't want to go. I must also work on saying what is on my mind (tactfully of course). I miss the old me (outspoken go-getter) but I plan to re-invent myself and make me better.
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