Transformation

Transformation has been my way of life and my term for 2014.  This year began with thoughts, plans, and goals in mind- all of which would be achieved before the year's end.  We are in the last quarter of 2014-some goals were achieved and some are yet to be fulfilled.  I have learned a multitude of how transformation can be defined. By dictionary it is defined as a marked change in form, nature, or appearance; a process by which one figure, expression, or function is converted into another one of similar value.  Webster's dictionary defines transformation as an act, process, or instance of change in structure appearance or character; a conversion, revolution, makeover, alternation, or renovation.

With all the definitions associated with transformation, I can raise my hand when asked:  Have you been transformed?  My answer is yes and I am still undergoing my transformation.  There are personal, emotional, spiritual, and career transformations which an individual can undergo.  I reflected on my growth in the past five years and most recently over the past five or six months.  I have always been very independent not asking or relying on anyone for help or assistance.  I had the "I can do everything myself" attitude.  I have always prided myself on being able to be independent and do all things myself (or so I thought).

At the beginning of 2014 I started a counseling agency (A Work In Progress, LLC) and made the decision to take a quicker route by subcontracting with an individual/agency who was already a Medicaid provider instead of working my way through the process.  I thought I'd asked all the "right" questions when we met prior to beginning to provide services.  We began providing services in February 2014 doing individual counseling, group counseling, CSI services, parenting for fathers, and an anger management group for children.  We consistently provided services only to find out in June that the provider we were subcontracting with did not have her credentials in order and all billing was rejected.  I was hurt, angered, shocked, broke, broken, confused, and broke!!!

I had just started back regularly attending church in May 2014 so I was not in tune with my spiritual self.  My fleshly self was telling me all kind of evil things I need to do- I had an office to pay for, household bills to pay, children to take care of, and more importantly employees to pay for services rendered.  YES I WAS IN PANIC MODE!!!!!!  My sister/friend had been telling me for years that I needed to talk to God, pray (daily), and find me a good church home.  I heard her but didn't hear her.  Well I started to going to several churches and found a church (Church of Perfecting Saints) that I really enjoyed attending and was learning.  I have made this my church home (not officially).  Well, I had just started attending church regularly so I was trying to get "right" but this experience was wanting me to do and handle things opposite of what I was learning.  I began praying frequently throughout the day and daily asking God for strength, patience, and knowledge on what to do to help me with what I was feeling and what I was going through, the whirlwind (downward spiral) occurring around me and involving me).  All I can say is that the statement is true-"Prayer Changes Things And People!!!!"

I am still A Work In Progress but I have been transformed and continue to be transformed daily.  I realize that I am not in control of anything, God is!!  Everything happens in God's timing.  I realize that I was broken down to be rebuilt with God's design and his plan in mind for my life and those who I come in contact with.  I realize that I don't have to do everything alone; I have a spouse, family and friends who are willing to listen and help.  I realize that life is a series of processes and we must be able to "deal with" life as it happens.  I realize that karma is real and I am grateful that I recognize karma.  Therefore, I treat people the way I want to be treated and/ or if I don't deal with them, I speak and keep it moving.  Speaking doesn't cost me anything.  I was initially angry and resentful about the events which took place and how they took place but it became an eye opening and humbling experience.  My transformation has been one of my greatest joys over the past few months.  My transformation has caused a positive transformation within my immediate family; better communication, a peace, a calm, and growth as a family.  I am truly learning who I am, learning how to ask for help, learning how to sit still and learning how to listen for God's guidance and wisdom in all decisions that I make.  This is a good space to be in and look forward to each day and the opportunities the days present.  Are you being conformed or transformed???