Overcoming Dysfunction

Last week I was asked this question-

How can you naturally know how to be something you were never raised to be?  Most of us come from such a high level of dysfunction...  How do we become the mother, wife, friend, or professional we want to be when we do not have a blueprint for it?

I had a brief conversation on this topic on Periscope but did not go into detail as I wanted to due to that being my first Periscope experience.  However, I did begin with defining dysfunction.  Dysfunction is defined as the condition of having poor or unhealthy behaviors and attitudes within a group of people; impaired or abnormal functioning; abnormal or unhealthy interpersonal behavior or interaction within a group (family dysfunction).  Blueprint is defined as a detailed plan on how to do something; a model or providing guidance.  Prior to being asked this question I had some knowledge regarding parenting and events transpiring from one generation to the next.  There are factors (genetics, education, socioeconomic status, family size, employment/unemployment of parent(s), and motivation)which learn how we learn the things we learn- good, bad, or indifferent.  How we choose to proceed is a matter of choice. 

While completing my research on parenting styles, I was able to understand dysfunction better.  Using the theory called, "Social Learning Theory,"  tells/ confirms that individuals learn through observations of others, live modeling, symbolic modeling, verbal instruction, and by imitating others.  In short, we model what we see and live in (most times).  There are four parenting styles: Authoritarian, Authoritative, Permissive, and Uninvolved.  Authoritarian parents are the parents which society feels are too hard on children.  Authoritative parents are characterized as "just right."  Permissive parents are the parents that are non-punitive, acceptant of what the child wants, and desires, and impulse movements.  Uninvolved parents are simply uninvolved; make few demands, responds very little, and little to no communication with her children.  Most African American parents are deemed to be the authoritarian parents because there is a structure and an order to the household which must be followed.  However, there are some permissive parents and uninvolved parents which cause the most problems, especially when their child enters adulthood.  Some have no boundaries and don't realize that there is an order to things.  Others do not realize that the world owes them nothing.  Sink or swim!!  There is hope for those which come from these two parenting styles, especially the uninvolved parenting style.  That hope comes in the form of role models who have vested in this child or children.  These role models can be in the academic setting, the community, church, and or work setting (teenagers/young adults).  These role models can teach through the youth's observation of them, educating the youth/ youth adult, and or interaction with these individuals.  Children imitate what they see, hear, and live in.  The individual has to be motivated to change that which is dysfunctional as well.  They may not realize that they grew up in dysfunction until they are exposed to other individuals and environments.  They must unlearn habits which we previously normal to them.  So in answering the questions presented, once you learn that you were or are living in dysfunction, it is up to you to change your situation.  Educate yourself and surround yourself with people who challenge you to be and do better.  Change your blueprint and become the individual that you desire to be.  The past is the past, live in your present, and design your future.  Doc Dee