Inspired

I can regularly say that I inspire people, whether it is directly or indirectly But I can truly say that I have been inspired by my sister/friend, Nicole Keith.  We all go through our personal struggles and journals on a daily basis but to share them with the world (in more ways than one) is truly an exceptional feat.  I remember during my freshman year of college that I began writing my autobiography and became so emotionally overwhelmed that I put it down after I got to about page 23.  I always felt like a failure for never finishing my story but there were several journeys that I never shared with anyone including my mother.  In a sense I felt like it was betrayal to share with others what I had not shared with her.  I now feel differently.  There are things that I still will keep in the closet simply because I have processed them within myself and with strength from God, I can move forward.  I was talking with my boss last week and he stated that he could see my stress even though I wear a "silent stress" as he called it.  I graciously answered, "I am always stressed."  After going home, I tried to reflect back to a time that I have been truly happy here on earth.  Needless to say, I had a difficult time doing so.  When I wasn't stressed out about my issues, I was stressing over my friends issues and trying to figure out how to make things better for everybody-myself included. 

My childhood could be considered to be good for those that were outside looking in.  I always felt things could have and should have been better.  I was just a child I had no control over anything, I just had to sit back and enjoy the ride regardless of if it steered off path or not.  I grew up an only child with divorced parents.  My life took it's worst turn (or so I thought) when I was nine years old and my mother moved from the city (Atl.) to Boston, GA.  No, not Boston, Mass. but Boston, GA. Boston was fun for the summers but I never wanted to live there permanently.  My biological father lived and remained in Atlanta.  To make matters worst, I inherited an alcoholic/drug abusing/ physically abusive step-father within months of the move.  He initially was a nice guy that only drank wine.  His wine drinking progressed to cocaine use over the course of about three years- maybe not that long.  He got locked up and my mom got a divorce so things were much better after he was gone.  My biological father was involved with my childhood to a degree but by the time I turned 13, my memories of him become few and far between.  He got to be missing in action shortly there after.  I later learned that my biological dad had developed a drug problem; he was a functional addict though because he went to work at GM everyday and eventually retired from GM.  My high school years were great in comparison.  I had good friends that I'd been friends with since elementary and middle school so during that time (most of it) I was genuinely happy.  Our senior year was truly a year to remember.  We were all getting ready to take our journey.  I thought I would be taking my journey with my best friend, Monica, but later found out that she would be going to Valdosta State University instead of Fort Valley State University. Such a bummer.  We had done just about EVERYTHING together since our freshman year of high school so to have to go off to college without her was such a scary thought.  Needless to say I made it.