Inner Beauty

Inner Beauty

Last month as I decided to expand and improve my Women’s Empowerment group on FB the “Topics of the Month” idea came to me.  While deciding on which topic would be first I was challenged to look beyond the fleshy faults to see the beauty of others when they were being “ugly.”  The main point which continually comes to mind, “Perception is the only Reality.”  I immediately became hurt, disappointed, and upset by how I was being portrayed and received by a few individuals who did not know me personally nor had taken out the time to get to know me personally or maybe this was just my perception of the events.  In addition, some of the individuals that I thought knew me really did not know me at all.  What was I going to do with the information and these feelings associated with the information?  Was I going to sulk, pout, curse, attempt to prove the naysayers wrong, or continue being who I have always been- my authentic self (sometimes good, bad, or indifferent)?  I had to sit still, process the information and my feelings, and move on it in a way that would be fitting to my authentic self and not my fleshly self.  That flesh can be the devil sometimes!!  I had to move forward knowing that my internal beauty was at stake and that I have individual watching what I say and/or (good and bad).  Would I allow my personality, attitude, and inner beliefs to be dictated by others and/or fueled by anger and hurt?  I did when I was younger!  Back then when you came for me, I was definitely coming back for you, full throttle.  However, since I am older and have grown mentally and spiritually, I learn to choose my battles wisely.  Every fight doesn’t need to be fought and every fight (while you may be pulled in) is not about you. 

It goes back again to the inner beauty- intelligence, grace, politeness, charisma, integrity, congruence, and elegance.  Do I jeopardize destroying my inner beauty because another has hurt, disappointed, or angered me?  Do I love myself enough to know that my inner beauty carries me much farther than my outer beauty ever could/can?  You can be the most beautiful/ handsome person in the world but if your personality is “ugly,” then the ugliness surpasses the outer beauty ever time.  I find beauty in COURAGE to do things that others may be unwilling to try or do.  I am PERSISTENT in what I say I will do or achieve.  I am GRATEFUL that God continues to bless me each day with the gift of life so that I may be a blessing to at least one person each day.  I am finding CALMNESS in my trials and tribulations because the battle is not mine, it’s the Lord’s.  I am still learning the GENTLENESS characteristic of inner beauty because I am still “A Work In Progress,” and I treat everyone I meet with UNSELFISH LOVE as this is what God requires of me.  I can love you and not like your spirit or decision-making.  Hence, those are your decisions to make and not mine.

The last of the inner beauty characteristics which prompted me to blog are: The woman with inner beauty loves and respects herself; is confident and not cocky; has a gorgeous heart; is supportive and inspirational; considerate and kind; genuine and real; loyal to her friends; and her significant other/husband; honest and true; visionary and intelligent; and passionate and strong.  All of these characteristics stood out to me and for me as this is what I strive to be daily.  I may miss the mark some days but these are the characteristics that I desire to possess.  What does your inner beauty say about you?  Are you consistently beautiful?  Doc Dee

The Little Things

Sometimes we take life for granted and fail to take notice of the “little” things which should be celebrated.  When we sit still and listen to the silence is when we can appreciate the “little” things.  With there being so many absent fathers, broken homes and marriages, I have learned to appreciate the “little” things.  I find appreciation such as my sons coming in the room or house asking, “Where’s dad?”  I appreciate this because my dad wasn’t there so I appreciate that my children have an active father in their lives.  I attempted this task with my first child’s father but I knew that I wasn’t meant to be with him.  I was about to sacrifice my happiness for her to have a two-parent home.  I woke up one day and I’m appreciative that I did.  My husband has been in my daughter’s life since she was three and he loves her unconditionally as though he is her biological father.  Appreciative because I had a stepfather that was jealous of my biological dad and the few times that he came around would result in an argument between him and my mother.  My current stepfather has been good to me.  However, by the time he came around I was finishing high school and headed to college. 

I love watching my husband interact with his children, daughters and sons, but especially my sons.  I love that he teaches them that their shirts should be tucked in their pants (not sagging) and they must wear a belt.  Haircuts, appearance, and speech, and respect (yes sir/ yes ma’am) are important.  I love watching him be a great father of what a man looks like: chores, yard work, repairing vehicles and heavy equipment, and opening the car door for me.  He’s a splendid example of what our daughters should look for in a mate/husband; hardworking, a provider, and God-fearing man.  He allows them to see that he has flaws and some weaknesses which shows his human side, therefore, they know that no man/woman is perfect.  The other night I confessed that I was happy but a tad bit jealous because my children have something that I always longed for when I was growing up (a present dad and a great relationship with him) which is a great relationship with their present and accounted for dad.  

I didn’t know what a healthy biological father relationship resembled but he has taught me.  In addition to, I was able to witness the relationship he had with his father before he passed years ago.  Watching him makes me wonder what my relationship with my biological dad would have looked like at their age.  Would I have been emotionally healthy vs. feeling like I had a void?  Would I have been physically safe and nurtured by a healthy male presence in the home?  All the What ifs….  My dad wasn’t available for me as he and my mom were divorced when I was young and then he began wrestling with his personal demons (unaddressed PTSD and addiction) and he may have done more harm than good because he would not have been able to be emotionally available.  He can’t make up for lost time but he is a great grandfather to my children and for that I am appreciative!  No need to hold grudges, be resentful or bitter but appreciate the “little” things.  Doc Dee

Judgmental or Not?

Are your thoughts judgmental even though your actions may not be?   As I wrote this question I reflected on a conversation that I was having the previous day.  Sometimes we are judgmental even when we think we aren’t.  Judgmental is defined as having or displaying an excessively critical point of view; to judge harshly.  I reflected on my thoughts, actions, and responses about several things over the past few months and determined I, myself, was being judgmental.  I was unconsciously judgmental about several things that I thought that I was being open-minded about.  Unconsciously, I was asking- How? Why? When? What?  When in fact the How, Why? When? What? Was none of my business.  What really was my business was how I handled my thoughts, actions, and responses to what was being presented to me from others, scarred and unscarred; therapeutically and personal…..

I think that when we work in the “helping field, we’re judgmental even when we think that we’re not.  We want people to think, act, and respond the way that we think they should and/or based upon the treatment regimen which we design for them.  And when they don’t we begin to question, Why?   If it is only for a brief moment when we question, Why, we were still judgmental in that second.

I have always been analytical and question things that I probably shouldn’t have BUT I think that is part of what makes ME who I am.  I analyze and ask questions to get an understanding so that I won’t present a judgmental.  In our minds, we ask:

ü Why is she/he wearing that?

ü Why is she/he looking like that?

ü How can she/he stay in that relationship and he beating her/him?

ü How can she/he stay in that “bad marriage?”

ü Why not leave?

ü How can she choose a man over her children?

ü How can he take care of someone else’s children when he’s not taking care of his own?

ü Why he won’t pay his child support?

ü Why she sells her food stamps?

ü Why she sells her body?

ü How can he/she cheat on his wife/husband?

ü How she/he sleeps with women/men?

ü Why won’t they communicate with each other?

ü Why, why, why?

ü How, how, how?

I think that we ask these questions because that is the human side of us.  The professional side of us seeks a solution or passes judgment (even when we attempt not to).  The spiritual side of us asks us not to pass judgment, “Judge not, that you not be judged….” (Matthew 7:1-5).  Take time for self-examination regarding whether you’re judgmental or not in thoughts and/or in deeds.  Do you not help others because you’ve deemed them to be doing well and trying to use you? Or do you help others and not question why they need the help?  Take time to answer these questions and work on self while working on others.  I AM!  Doc