NOT MY FIRST CHOICE

Not my first choice but my best choice.   After a conversation with my pastor and my husband last night, I reflected back to when I first met the young man who became my husband.  I was at a sale minding my own business trying to get a deal not a man.  I gave this young man my business card which included the telephone number to my office vs. my home number because I had no intentions with communicating with him outside of business hours.  Only to arrive to work the following Monday morning with an answering service with numerous messages where he’d tried to contact me.  I was uninterested due to him being short and “chunky” and him being in a relationship with someone.  He was not my ideal man but he was persistent in his pursuit of me.  I was not interested but flattered by his pursuit.  Regardless of what I desired, he made it happen- morning, noon, or night.  He originally was the maintenance man but became the main man and eventually my Boaz.  We have been together over fifteen years with numerous transitions (good, bad, and indifferent) throughout those years.  He changed because he desired to change and I changed because I desired to change.  We both were perfectly flawed people (he had more flaws than I did lol) who agreed and later vowed to make our union work.  People do not change unless they want to change regardless of how much people desire a change for them.  I recall having a conversation with my husband when we were “friends” and my telling him that I couldn’t be with him because I had a career and refused to lose my career over a man with his profession (at that time).  From that point forward, he began to change and transition so that he could secure what he wanted (me).  He came from a dysfunctional upbringing and environment so to get a man to change or a man desiring to change was/is a big deal.  I was used to argue (all the time) prior to getting in a relationship with him but this was something that he wouldn’t allow.  I would argue, he would walk out and leave the house.  I attempted to argue, he would walk out and leave the house.  Eventually I stopped arguing because you can’t argue by yourself and felt stupid standing up there by myself.  Not to say that we are perfect and don’t have disagreements but we say what we have to say to each other and agree to disagree or agree to talk about it and then let it go.  We don’t harbor resentment for one another or our past and we apologize to each other when necessary.  Neither one of us is always right (even though I’d like to think I’m always right, lol).  We have learned a lot from each other and grown together, especially in the past two years.  Once we invited God into our relationship and marriage we became unstoppable.  There are many who through word of mouth, social media, and the likes have separated us and divorced us while we’re solid as a rock.  It’s amazing what happens when you allow God to lead you and your marriage.  Who would have EVER thought that Garry Cannady would stop drinking, partying, and be ordained a Deacon.  I surely never thought it!  With love, constant pushing and motivation, along with a good support system even the roughest of the roughest can transition into someone amazing.  He was not my first choice but he was my best choice.  He is my BOAZ and there’s nothing that I or anyone else can do it about it.  Would I trade him for another?  No because we have taught each other a number of things on this journey we have taken together.  Most importantly we have taught our children what a healthy relationship and love looks like.  Doc Dee

Human First, Woman Second, & Professional Third

Human First, Woman Second, & Professional Third.  I think people often lose sight of who they are and how they feel once they reach a certain level of education and career status.  Guess what!  We still have feelings; good, bad, and indifferent.  We dislike people, we love people, we dove things that we have no business doing, we do things that get us recognition (sometimes unwanted recognition), we have a past, present, and a future.  We feel……  As humans, as women, and as professionals.  As a human, we care about what happens to our fellow “man,” because it is a part of our natural instinct and if we’re in a helping profession our instinct is heightened just a bit more.  As women, we take on others problems and concerns when we really shouldn’t- we feel when they feel, we hurt when they hurt, we celebrate when they celebrate but when we are wronged by another woman they we begin to distrust all women.  We tend to stay stuck in the past, especially the past of another.  Isn’t everyone worthy of second chances?  God is a God of second chances so why are we so hard to forgive or fellow “man.”  As a professional, we sometimes get so enthralled in the title that we forget who we are because we become who the public decided we should be.  Some people find it difficult to separate the two or balance the two.  Sometimes the “personal” self can interfere with the “professional” self especially if there is a sense of false identity.  I think that I am one of few people who is the same across the board when intertwining personal and professional self successfully living in total transparency.  Do I tell my consumers my business?  No, but if there is a life situation that I can apply to get them to better understand something which I am explaining something to them then I use that life situation in discussion, counseling, and in daily application of life’s circumstances.  Professional or not, we are all human first and we all feel.  Doc Dee